you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize