I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
