Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
