well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
