Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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