You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
