margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize