I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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