I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
