based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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