i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
cat food counts as protein by the way
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
