you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize