I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize