ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
