i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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