I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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