Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girls should come with a carfax report
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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