dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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