I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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