A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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