This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
