It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
