It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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