im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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