I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
