Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize