Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
