So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
