Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
