also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
