She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
