i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
