so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
