This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
