Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
