Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
