Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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