I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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