I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
