Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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