We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
false alarm. still invincible.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize