shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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