the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
