don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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