New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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