Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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