Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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