How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
