I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
