11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
