batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
