Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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