R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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