Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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