woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
