Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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