There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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