If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i now understand why vodka
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
