you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize