i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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