Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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