I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
