Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
