They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
