I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
