I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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