I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
